they get violent if they see images of cute animals. this is ground breaking, people. best thing you will see this year. >> eric: we got to go. tune i welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld in for tug pennington. remember, tug, you can't flush a fountain. now to andy levy for a pre game report. what is coming up on tonight's show? >> our top story, does looking at cute things make you angry? the answer may make you angry like the way you feel when you look at cute things. is the pentagon's decision to allow women in combat roles a good one? others say no otherwise i wouldn't have said some say yes. i would have said everyone saysy why. and can lance armstrong be sued over lying in his supposedly nonticks book? the shocking story that i'm sure a late night news host is paying close attention to.

greg? >> thanks, andy. >> you disgust me. >> no, i didn't. i didn't discuss you. >> disgust. >> oh past tense? i didn't disgust you. >> you discustody me. >> i did thought discuss you. >> maybe you should go away. >> no you go away before i go away. >> teddy bears leave dirty protests on her porch. i am here with the former white house -- i would throw mud on her door. the former white house press secretary and one of my co-hosts on "the five" and one of many i might add, and he is should sharp he only dates jintsu knives. and in sweden he is considered a meatball, bill schulz. look at that.

>> and if comedic genius was an alligator attack i would beat him up in florida. it is sherrod small. >> a block, the lede, that's the first story. >> i'm sorry. i apologize. does a floppy eared bunny make you act funny this looking at adorable animals or babies triggers expressions of aggression or as it is known cute aggression. as one student put it, quote, you know you can't stand it, you can't handle it, that kind of thing. researchers found this out after observing the people holding bubble wrap popped more bubbles. it is unclear why cuteness has this affect. but an author suggests that it is possible seeing a wide-eyed baby triggers our drive to care for that creature, but since the animal is a picture the urge may be frustrated.

that frustration could lead to aggression. what examples were suesed in this study? stuff like this. >> and this? or this. >> that was me playing the piano. >> and this. even this.

>> and this. and maybe this. even this. >> i want to slash this glass table and every window in this room.

sherrod, how angry are you right now, and is there anyway to use this to your advantage? >> those adorable things made me hate not only illegal aliens -- >> why do you have to bring that up? >> i want to hold them and cuddle them and since i can't, i want to punch them. >> i thought you were for immigration reform? >> i was until i saw that puppy face. >> i like how you will go after illegal immigrants. >> if the immigrant goes the puppy can stay. >> i am good for that. i am good for schools for the puppy. >> when we were watching those videos, and this is true, i look over and dana goes like this, oh. and she literally made that noise. that made me want to punch things more than any of those. she had a long day. it was actually -- she was either board by them or

just -- >> she was trying to out cyst them. >> i was holding a glass cup and it quacked in my happened. >> it is past my bedtime and most of america's. also, i don't know -- i don't understand -- people can make other people yawn and yawning is contagious. you can't make an animal yawn, but an animal can make you yawn. >> what a cute observation. can you get any cuter than that kind of observation? >> can we have people superimpose fairy wings? if we can do that in graphics i would go bananas. >> if that keeps somebody there until 2:00 a.m. it is worth it. >> why do you think yale did this study? why other people too busy curing cancer? >> we used to be in a cancer that cured polio and stuff. now we spend billions of dollars of -- a year and yale has an endowment of a billion dollars and we have graduate students putting -- making

people watch cat videos and giving them bubble wrap. i am not a psychologist -- >> lay, those are gregs -- hey, those are gregs viewers. >> that's not cute. >> i am not a psychologist. seriously, this is really the entire study. we will make you watch the cat video and pop the bubbles and then we will -- can a conclusion come from this? >> to be fair only one dude cured polio. i don't know what the rest of the students were doing. >> the thing is when women see a baby it is oh it is so cute i want to pinch the cheeks. this is something to that women will say i can't stand it i'm going eat him up. >> literature covered this quite well when lenny smothered the puppy in "of mice and men." >> was it a bunny? when jarod leto was beaten up it was the same thing. >> he wanted to destroy something beautiful.

>> exactly. >> the weird thing is i thought jarod was hotter when half of his face was pulp. i was more turned on by that. there is another thing to this, another reaction i noticed that is called the awe-gasm. people react almost sexually. it is like -- like that. i prefer the anger because it is far less creep ethan the awe-gasm. the sexual reaction i found gross. >> you know about the study, this is my theory on the study. say there is a researcher with a serious fetish, but he can't find a way to get into the fetish. the fetish is i would like to see young people popping bubble wrap, but i am too embarrassed. he would say i will have people look at that and tell them to pop the bubble wrap. so while they are watching these videos and he is pretending he is measuring angry he is masterbating. >> you just described how civilization came about.

>> it is fun to take bubble wrap and then save jasper and go after him and say i'm gonna get you, i'm gonna get you and you pop it and he loves you. >> that was adorable. >> i hate to break it to you. cuteness is a sham. it is a survival instinct. the reason why animals are adorable -- they have evolved to be that way so we don't kill them. >> and babies with their wide eyes and we love it with the baby head smell. oh that's a good smell. >> thank you want to do a good study a lot of animals eat their young, well those are the ugly ones. i would do a study on that. most of the animals that eat their kids -- >> if that true, bill, you wouldn't have been here. >> my mom was on a diet thankfully when i was born. it was weight watchers. thank you, jenny craig. because of you i am alive. >> ain't jenny craig and weight watchers two different companies? >> jenny craig prevents

infant-cide. >> i just lost my glasses. have we killed this topic? >> jenny craig -- >> show a picture of jasper. >> so cute. >> you know the most disgusting thing about that picture -- >> it is so cute i got violent. >> you know what is gross about that picture? jasper is a cat. that's not so cute. it is disgusting. that's the worst cat i have seen in my life. >> it is a 14-year-old armenian boy with a skin condition. >> good for you for adopting such a creature. from sweet to sag gee can pants that sink -- can pants that sink lead to the clink. they are telling youngsters to pull up their jeans or they will go to jail. take a look, fans of looking. >> so you think you look pretty good wearing your pants like that, don't you?

underwear exposed, hip hop style. well there is something you may not know. you can be fined up to $300, be placed in a state prison for up to three years and county jail or two years. you still think it is cool? it is the law. pull up your pants. respect yourself. >> that will learn them. >> the fine print at the bottom of the ad represents the state law which lists a possible three-year prison sentence for, quote, gross lewdness and lascivious behavior. it is now called dana's law. now let's go to massachusettsment

>> what did i tell you, america? first gay marriage and then this, dogs walking horses. >> even white dogs got horses. even white dogs got horses? >> he was half black. >> god. was that real footage? >> no it was cgied by the man. >> i want to go first to the expert on sag -- on sag gee pants. will? >> my favorite part is how they made up the law. i like the idea because it is like getting rid of fashion trends. crocs gone? where crocs go to prison. >> gladiator boots. >> gladiator boots. >> what are gladiator boots? >> they are like the leather ones that come up to your knees and they have holes in them.

i can't believe i used to have a real show. >> remember when you used to answer to the president, and now you are telling us how to wipe your butt and put it in the refrigerator and then lie and then do an apology the next day. now you are watching cat videos and comnting. you used to be one of the powerful people in the country. what happened? what happened? you realize that we are on at 3:00 in the morning? >> i pray he is not watching. >> she just had an out of body experience on air. this is amazing. >> wow. i want to comfort you. >> i had such good points

about this. >> i used to have a white house chef and now you are eating crappy cookies in our crappy green room. >> dana, what do you make of this ad? opinions, anything? >> i will tell you i hate this look. i used to -- when i lived on capitol hill in dc i loved the grandma who lived next to me and took care of the five children. two were kids and i remember her saying i don't want to see your pants down around your rear end. you have to make up a law to get people to pull their pants up? this is what i think needs to happen. you don't need to law. you need like beyonce and mariah carey and everybody else to say i think that's hideous. >> yes, the women. >> they should say that is so unattractive. i would never go out with a guy wearing pants like that. >> it is the girl's fault. if a girl wouldn't date a dude who do it they wouldn't do it. the young teenage boy, everything they do is for girls. >> speak for yourself. >> 95%.

>> everything bill does is for teenage boys because he is a mentor. >> thank you. i teachers and them english. >> we had this discussion in the green room. what are the origins of this? >> prison. >> yes, prison, but there is two competing thoughts about how it started in prison. my buddy in-lawen force meant says it is from bevel removal -- belt removal so they don't kill themselves, but then secretly they have to hold their pants up which makes them only have one hand available. >> it is a little bit of both. it is definitely from belt removal. when people used to wear their sneakers with no laces. but that was a prison thing that came back to the hood. so the same thing with the belts and it goes for when you are spoken for in prison they want your pants in the back laying low so northbound knows oh he is spoken for. >> when i wore my pants like that my cell mate called me

easy access and now it makes sense. >> it is empathy fashion though? you go back to the hood and because your uncle is in prison and you want to dress like him? >> yes, it is like looking up to silliness and then the silliness becomes fashion and cool. >> like wearing red round glasses? it hasn't caught on. >> somebody else will wear them. >> they don't even bother to take a shot of me at this point. what are they talking about? something about red glasses. they are already checked out. this is the last show. they direct and they are on their way out. i have a theory. should a jeans company make jeans with underwear this them? >> that's impressive. you can sell that idea. >> you don't wash your jeans every day necessarily. if your underwear was in your jeans you would have to -- >> i wash my jeans every day but that's because i have a medical problem.

>> what if you have a pair of jeans like sewn in that you can wear underwear and it looks like your pants are hanging and they are not really hanging. >> the best thing is the stories about these guys who wear pants like that and they are caught doing something bad and the cops chase them and their pants fall down around their ankle and fall and break their neck. >> that is funny? >> maybe not neck. maybe it is their wrist. >> yes, break their wrist. >> and then they fall into a vat of razor blades and alcohol. >> that did happen in dc where they would run and they would fall. sometimes girls have started doing it too. >> we are okay with that. >> i am good with that. >> no. >> a little booty showing of the . >> even a big one. >> all right. i have to control this at some point. coming up, what is a good way to keep warm on cold nights? dana marine know on -- dane

gnaw perino on why she uses them for pillows.

can you sue if a book is untrue? a class action lawsuit has been filed against lance armstrong and the publishers of his auto-biography after doping. the two california men behind the legal action are claiming fraud and false advertising. they wouldn't have bought "it is about the bike" and" every second that counts" if he was president a -- if they knew he was a cheater. one of them said he was tricked into reading. >> it is so american. >> although he does not buy or read many books he found

armstrong's book compelling and recommended it to several friends. clearly he is an intelligent man. let's go to andy's former cat pixel as he reacts to the news his owner can now legally keep him. >> that's delightful, i guess. you are in a farber place. sherrod, you were saying you are still sticking by lance and the sport of cycling as a whole? >> no, i am sticking behind cancer. he is fighting it, right? anti. >> yes, way to take the safe route. >> i think it is hilarious that a bookstore in australia, one of the employees put up a sign saying we are moving the lance armstrong books to the fiction section. it is because it is full of lies. >> thanks for explaining that. >> and it was untrue. >> thanks for backing that up. will, is this guy ever going to make another dollar? >> the thing that i like about lance armstrong is the fact that he has now robbed the

people who really looked up to him. that's my favorite part. that is the most annoying thing this freak of nature and you can put a piece of metal and we are all supposed to worship him. one thing that is concerning, the republican consultant. apparently it puts the elections in contact. >> and it wasn't in the read. >> i read that. >> good for you. >> a republican political consultant robs stutzman. >> i didn't doubt that. here is a question, can women sue him now who slept with him under false pretenses? oh i went home with you because you said you were -- i thought you were the tour de

france winner? >> isn't that what dating is all about? i don't know that anymore. i am way past that. they are not complaining that he didn't write the book. they are complaining that his whole life was a fraud and so now they are like -- were they so scared by this that now they have to sue him? remember a couple months ago when we found out the stein beck book "travels with charlie" was a fiction. there is thought a class action lawsuit for those who read it to go against the book. >> i heard about one woman who slept with lance armstrong and went home with him. and it turns out he had two scroti. he lied about that. >> it wasn't lance armstrong? >> two scroti. >> your book "my incredible life as the first man on the moon" was a huge hit in the third world. is that unfair to them? >> are we on in the third world? this is kind of -- i don't

like -- this is a slipe re-- a slippery slope problem. everybody does literary license or changes things to move the plot a lot. what makes other people want to sue by changing the name here or making this happen in 1980. i don't like where this is going. >> or if you say that you played football or something like that, but you really didn't. >> or that. >> he is right. bill is right. i read my -- michael landon's story. he came out with the name half pint and he lied. he didn't come up with it. it was a stage hand. >> have i to get out of this. -- i have to get out of this. >> it is going to be awkward when killing kennedy and killing kennedy are exposed for the frauds they are. imagine how many people are going to sue.

>> because the small name should have been bigger and vice-versa. >> do you have a comment on the show? e-mail us at red eye at fox news.com. and do you have a video of your animal doing something? fox news.com/red eye is the place to go. click on submit a video and we might use it. still to come, the half time report from tv's andy levy. he is a fraud. >> tonight's half time report is sponsored by coziness. the state of warm, comfiness involving thick clothing or a blanket. thanks, coziness.

we are back. let's find out if we got anything wrong so far. for that we go to andy levy. hi, andy. >> i'm good, thanks. >> that's right. we edited out the part where i asked how you were. they didn't hear that. >> to save time. >> yes. >> but now that you brought it up again -- >> we just actually made the segment go longer than we needed to be. >> we sure did. >> maybe you shouldn't have responded to something that was edited out. >> watching cute videos makes you aggressive. sherrod, you said they make you hate i illegal immigrants and you want to hold them and cuddle them. >> the animals i want to cuddlement the immigrants i want to kick. that's why i said illegal aliens. that counts mexico and space. i don't care. >> will, you don't like that money was spent on this study,

and you noted that we used to cure things like polio. >> studies aimed at curing polio and these days like alzheimers and cancer, that's all well and good for the few super smart geniuses who learned a lot of medical stuff, but what about the rest of us? should we not be eligible for the money? >> it is probably better to be a guinea pig on the bubble pop study. good point. >> some people have to get postgraduate degrees in sociology and they need money, they need funding. >> they should have stuck with the theater major >> greg, you mentioned "nightclub" where ed norton beat the crap out of leto because he was trying to save something beautiful. i thought he was trying to save us from awful music. >> and boy did he fail. >> 30 odd foot of grubt is a

great band. >> 30 seconds to mars. >> either way i love jarod in "gladiator." >> you butchered russell crowe's band's name. >> he suckered you, andy. >> you really thought i thought that was the name. >> i sure did. >> oh my lord. you have become the w weird owes that e-mail us. >> weird that i thought you got something wrong though. see what i did? i covered myself there. dana you mentioned jasper. who is that? >> jasper is my puppy. >> you have a puppy? have you not heard? >> no. >> there are is a calendar that is a special, popular calendar. i gave one to greg for christmas and i made it specifically for him. he made fun of me

mercilessly. this puppy is the cutest thing. that's it? >> wow you are losing it. >> andy is thinking about his cats. >> i don't think enough people know dana has a dog. you they'd to get that out -- you need to get that out there, dana. maybe if you tweeted more. >> good advice. >> by the way, here is why i don't actually trust this study. the researchers told the participants they were studying motor activity and memory. it is a lie to them. they could be lying to us. >> excellent point. >> pull up your pants. you said you hate this look, but what is needed in -- is not the law, but for mariah carey and beyonce to come out and say they hate that. but maybe they don't. >> maybe we can pay them to

say that. >> they don't do things for money. >> the here rings were only $180 million she wore at the inauguration. >> why don't you get somebody like victoria jackson or victoria jackson. >> or katherine webb, the new hot model. >> get somebody that guys are really into like rosie o'donnell. >> young boys willisen to her. she is -- will listen to her. she is a tough girl. >> not everyone shares your choice in girls. >> i like the utility belt and a hard hat. >> they will throw you around a little bit. >> i am with you on this one. this is a nice try, but the massachusetts law has never been applied to sag gee pants. >> that's true, but a larger point of the story is aren't we just glad that at this

point people are still wearing pants? >> that's a very good point. >> no, we are not. speak for yourself. >> i give it five more years. >> i think the fabric jail movement will begin shortly. >> the what? >> we are living in fabric jail. we are living in a fabric jail. >> by the way, you talked about the idea that this started in prison with the not wearing the belt. you know there is another theory about that too. >> what? >> that the lowered pants in priss -- prison signified that you were, quote, available. >> i told them in the green room that's what this was all about. they are so prudish they didn't want to bring it up. >> i think it is probably the belt thing. >> let's get locked up and test our theory. >> only way to find out. >> who knows? could we find the person who knows and who started it?

>> i have a cousin. >> narrow it down. >> it is not a he anymore. >> lance armstrong sued over the lies in his book. you said you like that they moved armstrong's book to the bookstore section. >> they want to put a sign up and it went viral. >> it was a library and they did actually do it. >> i don't think they did it. >> who goes to the library? >> australia is okay. they know how to handle stuff. sure they know how to put the fire out, but they how to handle a lance armstrong. >> that was a nice burn notice they will give lance. they never will find out about it because it happened in australia. >> bill, stop it. >> maybe that's where the pants thing started. >> australia is awesome. >> it is the greatest on the

planet. >> will, you brought up the fact that one of the people bringing the lawsuit was a republican consult assistant. the saddest part about this, somebody may have brought this up is in the lawsuit itself it says, quote, although stutzman does not buy or read many books -- >> i think the host brought that up three times. >> i thought the host interest didn't know there was a republican consultant involved. >> it was "tales of the 4th grade nothing" by judy bloom. and he only head half. it was the part fudge got in trouble. >> it what have been great to have met this guy and then you get to where his favorite author is lance arm stropping. >> oh lance. >> you don't know it, but he

is quite a writer. >> imreg, we -- greg, we will i had dit that out. greg, we i will edit that out, right? >> are you serious? >> there are a lot of horrible, untrue thing. >> to quote niles crane if not for the starch in your shirt, there would be nothing holding you up. >> was that for andy? >> we can leave it a mystery. >> by the way, this is not the first time a lawsuit like this has happened. random house has said, as part of a settlement anybody who bought the book is eligible for a full refund. >> and what does he have in common with lance armstrong besides that? >> drugs. >> oprah. >> thank you. >> and james frye is worth millions right now.

>> he blames armstrong. you get money. that's how it works. >> a great message for the kids, sherrod. >> barry bonds, rich. the other one, rich. everyone who cheated rich. >> but are they rich in memories? probably. >> barack obama. >> andy, what is the message, andy? >> cheap. cheat. >> cheat? >> it is the american way. >> sherrod, i think the message that money isn't everything. greg, you caught that, right? >> money isn't -- what did i say? >> you said something. >> you love to scribble. >> just lastly i wanted to congratulate you on making it through the first half of the show without lying. >> you weren't even here. i jew think i i -- you think i would have let that go. >> i didn't knowingly lie. >> didn't you? >> manti te'o and i have in common. >> i think you saw that i wasn't here and you thought this is my chance to lie and

not get called on it. >> i bought charmin in bulk and filled my refrigerator after that. >> i couldn't believe how many people tweeted saying thank you for the helpful tip. i never heard that before. you know which of your followers have a lot of fiber issues when they thank you. >> i not only put the toilet paper in the freezer, but i take my swanson hungry man's dinner and hid them in the bowl. >> where they belong. >> they will end up there anyway. >> it is true. >> the music is starting. coming up, shooting at the walls of heartache, bapg, bapg, i am the warrior. not a story, just a strange voicemail chris waller left me. what if your exput nude pictures of you on-line?

a new survey of an american couple has blown the lid off the subject of nighttime attire, revealing that most of us prefer pajamas,. >> jam jams. >> 48% of women and 38% go to bed in the buff with their partner. meaning some slip on a slip wear like a shorty robe, and the sample was mostly white people over 35 or as he calls them, the only group that matters. >> lightning roooooouuuuuuuuunnndd. lightning round. >> sherrod, great. >> first of all, typical white people sleeping in the nude and not using a wash cloth when you wash. just use the soap by itself. oh white people.

back me up camera 3. any hoo. >> well, you can hear that he does. >> i don't sleep in the nude because you know what i'm dealing with. i get tangled up like indiana jones in the movie. >> why can't we do clean material? this is a survey of pajamas. what happened to pajamas? when did people stop caring about pajamas? that's america's night wear. as a catholic -- >> as a catholic i find this widespread oppression shameful. >> i don't know. >> i like the kind with the

feet. >> i am wanting to break if you have again, greg. >> you got me at a five. >> it is great because you can have the plastic bottoms and you can run around and slide on them. being a kid was great. >> you can keep going down the stairs. >> i don't have stairs in my home. it must be nice. >> you had a horse too, didn't you? you had a pony. >> named sally. >> she had a pony named sally and her house had two floors. >> no it was a ranch house with a basement. pajamas are an important industry. you need to buy pajamas. >> there needs to be a pajama

board like they had the raisen board. >> the broccoli board. >> and they need a celebrity to represent a spokesperson like andre from outkast. >> you noah loft pajamas are made out of the country. a lot is made somewhere else. >> they are usual lie flammable. >> you sleep in your own fillet which is a pajama. >> and you donated me some pajamas and thought only were they already flammable, but covered in gasoline. you know i smoke in bed. >> yes i do. >> i can barely feel my chest right now. it is third-degree from here down. >> you know where the end of the pajamas came? everybody loves raymond the t-shirt and sweat pant combo that sitcom started people wearing that. >> i think it was central

heat. when the world got central heat you didn't need to wear pajamas anymore because it was warmer. >> hugh hefner. when hugh hefner was wearing that stuff people were like, creepy. sweatpants. >> the only option, shorty robes. i am way ahead of america. >> let's keep it real. we are dudes and whatever our pajamas are is what we don't wear outside anymore. >> you know your life is over when you drive somewhere in your pajamas. >> these are the ones i sleep in. and they have a hole next to the knee. >> i love these sweats. >> that's a cute thing. i love these sweats. >> i'm going in the shark tank with that. >> yes i have a pat at the present time pending on -- a pat at the present time --

patent pending on i love these sweats. >> one of the best luxuries is affording really nice pajamas. they have the matching jacket with the silk. >> nothing says you making it in life than good clothes that nobody sees. >> coordinated pajamas. and that you wear by yourself when nobody is there. >> and you stir your celestial tea. >> why do you even swear about celestial tea? >> they are so cute. it got me angry. >> we have more stuff to talk about. latest book, joy of hate. amazon.com. for an autographed copy g gutfeld.com.

last topic. is banning large sprites unfair to nonwhites? a lawsuit claiming that the war on big soda is bad for minorities. the naacp and the hispanic business says the freedom of choice in low income communities . will, what do you make of this story at the end of the hour that i have lost interest in?

>> greg, we joke about this. we have a guy who is drinking 30, 40 sodas in a day. it is disgusting. we have to talk to him about it. you saw dough -- soda shamed him. >> tucker tucker carlson is no longer wearing the girdle. somebody would like that. >> you know what i like, mike bloomburg had the naacp with him and he is looking at the other soft drink companies and saying i can't believe they can be bought. i have all of the money. why didn't bloomburg say i will pay for the programs you like. >> the soda company gave money to the naacp. >> that was the naacp saying it to bloomburg? i thought it was a church choir. my boys with i will laugh at that. >> is that like a jock i would

never get? >> because it was black people standing behind him. >> no, i got that. stop treating me like o'reilly. i don't think that is wrong against minorities. first of all, you have to get rid of the food deserts. that's the real problem. in the hood you can't get options. there are no options of why are you going to take up the bad thing. >> that's a point. food desser. >> i worked a whole campaign with wal-mart and bad anybodies without appreciate produce. it is a big problem. >> we are trying to star of bill to death by not feeding anything and just taking. >> we and a couple of soccer fields. every once this awhile i find aed to stool and trip. where am i?

>> we will close things out with a post game wrap up with tv's andy levy.

back to tv's andy levy. post game wrap up. >> will, i am guessing there is something you want to say to your boss, tucker carlson? >> yes, i would like to apologize to my athletic and bril yept boss, tuck -- brilliant boss, tucker carlson. >> she crossing his fingers. >> dana, what do you have? >> i just realized i didn't have anything. >> you know what i am doing, shaming you. >> sherrod and i get confused with each other all the time. like me and laura ingram. >> and i saw you did not correct the person. >> i know. >> you are a sea of lies, aren't you? >> but the thing is i always cop up to it within a week. >> well that makes it okay. sherrod, what do you have? >>